apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
