wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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