Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
