so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
