sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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