I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
There's even glitter on my cock...
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