You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
