You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Someone signed my nipple.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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