wrigley field is MILF paradise
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I wear drunk well.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
