I can tuck mytits in my pants
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize