my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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