you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
