Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
