Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
