I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
