I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
