why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
