we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
