dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
