ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
