At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The air taste purple.
Randomize
