You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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