So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
