You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
