her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
