i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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