Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
