Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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