how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
