oh god the rape fog is back!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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