Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
