Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
