bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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