she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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