You're a womanizer and a bitch.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's just like the Real World with babies
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
