she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
