dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
