Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
