But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
