When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
