Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize