took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
