These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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