If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
ok first of all what the fuck
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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