Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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