My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
