i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize