My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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