the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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