I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize