We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
