Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
