i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do vagina's smell?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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