would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
