she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize