Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
