Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
