Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
