there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
