i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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