he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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