I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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