He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
