I cut my penus on the lid.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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