I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
