Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
