At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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