I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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