I should be sponsored by Trojan
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
