We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
