Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
