I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
