Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We left the knife in your bed.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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