he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize