This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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